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Innuendo-meters at the ready

What series eight has lacked in soggy bottoms, it’s made up for in pure, unadulterated smut. As we approach the halfway point for series eight, we felt it was important – something of a public service, even – to recap on the moments so far which have sent our innuendo-meter into overdrive.

An offer Noel can’t refuse

In Cake Week, the bakers took on their very first technical challenge: to make 12 identical mini rolls. For this, they were granted the liberty of an exposed bottom (that is to say, they didn’t have to coat the underside in chocolate).  For Noel, it was an opportunity too good to turn down. “I’m planning on taking my trousers off when Paul and Prue do the judging”, he proclaimed.

Innuendo-meter reading: 7.5



An unexpected stiffening

Thank you, Julia, for this unwittingly delivered gift of smut. Only with deft handling and expert skills can a fortune cookie batter be brought under control.

Innuendo-meter reading: 8


Unsolicited leakage

A wise man once said: “It is a foolish baker who fails to take preventative measures against fruity leakage into their cake batter.” Avoiding leakage when making a fruity cake not only helps avoid the dreaded soggy bottom, but it saves time during clean up. So Sophie was wise to take extra precautions during Cake Week.

Innuendo-meter reading: 7

Tight balls are happy balls...

When things get hot and steamy during a Cottage Loaf bake, there’s always a danger of the bottom blowing off the top of your dough. If you’re worried, heed some of Paul’s advice: keep your balls tight.

Innuendo-meter reading: 9


… as are even balls

Evenly-placed balls are key for achieving optimum results. Liam demonstrated admirable diligence during Bread Week when he paid special attention to the positioning of his.

Innuendo-meter reading: 8.5


The early-riser

Julia’s snail rose more than a few eyebrows as well as scooping the Star Baker award during bread week. As the judges put it: “She gave herself a huge job, and she pulled it off”. We couldn’t have put it better ourselves.

Before we consult the innuendo-meter, let’s take a closer look at that snail.


Innuendo-meter reading: Off the scale.

“It’s too soft and you didn’t finish”

Nobody likes an unfinished job, so it’s no wonder Prue was disappointed to find that Tom hadn’t quite reached full completion with his Millionaire’s Shortbread signature bake. Unforgivable – so much so that poor Tom was sent home the same week.

Innuendo-meter rating: 8